I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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