So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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