I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
