I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
