I think my fart just growled at me.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
