Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
