my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
