In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
