So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
