Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
