you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
