im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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