No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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