He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
