I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
