Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
