I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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