She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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