Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
