Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
