My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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