if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
