he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
