May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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