Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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