I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
