Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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