A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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