Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
