i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
