he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
