I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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