its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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