My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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