Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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