I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
