Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
