Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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