You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
