real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
