can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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