so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
