I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
