P.S. I can't hear my feet
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
