Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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