You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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