Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My liver just had a heart attack.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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