Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
