So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
