If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
