You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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