My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
