The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
