Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
