I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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