I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
