dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
