Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
