you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
