Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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