do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Randomize
