the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
