Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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