So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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