drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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