I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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