awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
